About a year ago, on a Sunday night, my brother was admitted to the Hospital for having a panic attack. These are no joke and can cause great pain and stress to those who experience it and those around them.
Although my brother is okay, it got me to think back to the time I suffered from these constantly.
Stress and anxiety go hand in hand. One cannot live without the other and for me, that led into depression. Into a black hole. There was one night in particular I remember…one that is not too far away. It happened now almost 3 years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday….
I was getting ready to start, yet another, overnight shift at my current work at home gig. It was good…. It had to be good. I kept telling myself “you got this, don’t worry”
It was late, my baby was ready to sleep. Bath was done, she was changed into her PJs “what a cute baby” now it is time for mommy to work. **tick tock** **tick tock** I start in 1 hour. My heart is pounding but I breathe and talk with my husband. He is telling me about his day….. My heart is pounding….my chest is hurting…. I get quiet. He asks what’s wrong. I just say “I’m a bit stressed that’s all”
But my mind knew better. It knew I wanted to run. I wanted to scream but my mouth was shut. **tick tock** **tick tock** the countdown begins. My chest gets tighter, now my husband is talking… It seems he is asking me something but I cannot understand him. A rush of blood goes through my head. I need to move!! But I am stuck in the floor. Tears run down my face.
What’s wrong with me? I think about work and I feel as if a giant bucket of water is dumped on me. I am in pain and cannot say anything. I am crying and my husband, who is there… Next to me… Comforting me….. Feels feet away from me.
**tick tock** it’s 45 mins before I gotta get started. I jump up and run into the bathroom. I cry. I want to scream but I can’t….so I keep crying until I cannot cry anymore. I open up the door…. My husband is there. Just waiting for me. For his wife…. Not this crazy lady (I thought to myself). I breathe and think of my daughter. I close my eyes… I imagine myself in a bubble of light…. I imagine myself painting. My heart slows down… The pain is reduced to a very uncomfortable pain, but it can be handled.
I don’t work that night. Instead, my husband takes his broken wife and daughter for a walk. A walk into a quiet mall, ready to close soon. That clears my mind. I see my daughter I focus on her face…. That face gave me strength.
What do you do about stress and anxiety?
There are many ways to deal with it. From medication to meditation… So many ways so many things. What to trust?
Trust your gut and focus on what you like. What you can do to feel better. That night I lost it and didn’t see the signs. I was already stressed and something told me to not work but my stubbornness and need for money allowed me to ignore this feelings. So what do I do now?? I take 3 things I like and include them in my day.
Art can be therapeutic. Do art….
Art has been my therapy for depression and anxiety is no different. I transport myself into a new dimension, I submerge my feelings into the canvas and release all of them into the universe. I pour my soul into a painting and let the hands do the rest.
Yoga can be therapeutic….do Yoga.
I also like to do yoga. The fact that it allows me to slow down, that forces me to be aware of my body, helps me see the triggers before an attack happens. Before depression kicks in. Yoga allows your body and soul to connect and calms your nerves.
Exercise can be therapeutic….Exercise
I also like to exercise. Release all the anger and fear into those 30 mins of workout time. I like to let go and use that power that debilitates me to empower my workout. I burn out the feelings and they wash away in sweat.
Reiki is therapeutic…..Be and Do Reiki
Reiki. I love reiki and have been attuned to give Reiki to others. I lose myself into other levels of our universe and balance myself when needed.All for elements have helped me be a better person. Took me out of depression and helped me feel better about myself.
Use things like these to battle through anxiety or stress…. Days will be hard but this makes them not so bad. It helps you see a light in the tunnel. It helps you get out of the tunnel.
You are not alone. There are others who suffer, and I tell you. That you can get out of that tunnel. There is a light… Just follow the dim flashes of light until you reach the bright blue sky.
I love you.